NIGERIA: Depression...Househusband

Let me quote a paragraph from the last posting:-

Ahhh..the life of an expat's spouse. Hah! Nothing rosy about it. Basically an emigrant, for want a better word. The life of an expat also comes with depression, especially to the not-working-previously-working spouse, moi. Ohh....How I wrestle with my ego...put it under wraps. But once a while, it reared its ugly head out and well....there were exchange of words. OK....why not put a stop here and talk about it at length in another posting, yes? 

New place, new environment and adjusting expectation versus reality. I had to put a few notches down, hmmm maybe a few more. 

view of VI from Five Cowrie Creek

Prior to our arrival, the company sent in advance the 1) Invitation letter to the country for each of the family members and 2)  A brochure of the country including the Do's and Don't and first time arrival at the airport. The keyword was 'discreet'. Not to attract any attention. Oh my..

I've had seen other companies' Welcome Package. Clearly laid out all the shops available, where they are and what they're good for (restaurant, cafe, specialty store etc). There's also a map of Lagos (Island and Mainland) and the mainland part was coloured in red. Red - NO GO. Restricted. I think same restriction to public transport too. Never take Okada (motor taxi) or Danfo (van), keke marwa (3wheeled scooter taxi, tuk-tuk) included. UBER and Taxify? At your own risk!

Restriction of movement to some extend, not working, my dreams on hold, lost of professional identity....a lot to argue about. Depression sets in... Talking seems to help, in my situation. I've made friends. A few men also from Malaysia.    Madam has been kind enough to invite friends over the weekend. It keeps my mind sane! Men who followed their wife working abroad are known as 'trailing husband'. We are quite the rare breed, only 9% of the total expat population according to a study. 

Another study by a Dr Nina Cole of Ryerson University in Toronto, Canada; she said "Since the career of the trailing spouse will often have to be ‘put on hold’ for the length of the stay abroad, men are thus likely to ‘suffer’ more, no matter how supportive they are of their wife’s career" AND "The situation is compounded by the fact that some in the outside world inevitably take an unfavourable view of ‘househusbands’, especially in countries where the traditional gender roles still prevail". 

Madam and friends

The first 2 years was hard, maybe I'm still new in this sort of thing. Nowadays, seems to be better. I have a company here with a local partner, a young man always in high spirit. Attend to volunteer works on monthly basis, gave out piano lessons (this is new), photo assignments  and doing stock photos ...all in the name of busying myself apart from giving my utmost attention to the children. 

volunteer work

the children

All is a mind game, I took my sweet time that could cost me dearly. Act fast to get in motion and it will be rewarding to you and people around you. Now...if I can get myself organised next. Hahhhh...Just when you thought you've sorted things out.